Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
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