I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
