the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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