were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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