New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
