There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
