Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
