I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
