how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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