it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you inspire me to be a worse person
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
