my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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