I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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