I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Alive.
So much puke
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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