I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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