So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
