I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
too bad you live with your parents still
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
