bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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