my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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