I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
be right there i have to get my cape
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
