Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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