I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize