I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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