I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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