I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
