so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
