All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
