Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
