Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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