Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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