he shaved USA in his pubs
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
