I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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