am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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