There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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