My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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