bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
