peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
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