Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
