it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Randomize