So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Farmville is her only friend.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm at about main and main street
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
