He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
