Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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