she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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