so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
