The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
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