I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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