I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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