I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
