For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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