P.S. I can't hear my feet
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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