his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
