Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
me + whiskey = a bad person
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize