So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
barbara walters just said penis...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
