I just saw a hot homeless man
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
