my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize