i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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