Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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