I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
