And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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