Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
