i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
When are your genitals available?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
