I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
