So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
