im six kinds of drunk right now
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
