You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
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