They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Randomize
