Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
