Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
