we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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