You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
