I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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