I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
