life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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