I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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