thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
