If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
