my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
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