he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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