this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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