Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
