Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just invented taco cereal.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
How does one acquire holy water?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
